Shhh...I'm hunting for a job!

The never ending job search. I've put out at least 20 apps into the universe. I got a part time gig doing what I've gone to school for, but 2 nights work isn't going to pay the rent, though I wish it could.

Today I go forth and apply at the local sweatshop, but with the possibility of 40 hours a week, I'll be making twice what I did as a Grad Asst. and I can't even imagine having enough money to pay my bills AND maybe have some fun now and again AND put some in savings, shocking!

I've also made the choice to stay around and get my teaching credential while I work on my thesis--which I've yet to have a meeting about. I just can't really concentrate until I get a job and know that I'm not going to be homeless.

The show from hell is almost over and done with, just furniture to return. I don't know why I have to be there to move it, but whatever. After it's all over, I will peacefully say a big eff you to the troublesome bits and move on, yay!

Job!

I seriously need to find a job and there is NOTHING out there that I can do. Everyone wants endless experience, which is odd considering I live in such a tiny town with limited resources as concerns potential employees.

Trade school sounds like a really good idea about now.

Dating

I just don't know. I meet people in real life and think we have a connection and I wait and wait and wait and finally I ask if they'd ever consider going out on a date and the answer is invariably, no.

Even internet dating sends up no interest. I'm starting to get a little lonely and that is NOT the reason to even venture into a relationship. But I'm not sad lonely--I just want someone to share life with, to find that person with whom I can share everything with and them the same with me. I want love and friendship and that 'us against the world' kind of attitude.

But I'm getting a little scared. I'm going to be 36 and I've never met this person. Where do you meet people? I'm out and about, I go to parties and hang out with friends and their friends. I go to events, and all that other stuff. But, nothing. I'm social and like to laugh and hear what people have to say--I'm not cold or distant or not interested. But still, nothing.

I sometimes wonder if I made some horrible mistake in the past that will prevent me from ever finding someone. I know I am fine on my own--but I want more.

Trying Times

Fact: you cannot have a professional conversation if the other person refuses to behave like a professional. I am working with a woman old enough to be my mother, yet she cannot behave like a rational human being and instead insists upon belittling me to my face and in front of others. You can tell she makes other people uncomfortable and extremely unhappy. She lives a life filled with stress, fear and obvious inadequacy issues--I'd dislike her if I didn't feel so terribly sorry for her.

How can life be at all happy when you live in a pit of sorrow and can't see the forest for the trees?!

I was taught, in these situations, to smile and nod. It's actually gotten me through the process thus far. I'm 35, I'm a grown woman and in similar situations I am taken seriously and can hold my own. In fact, I am often praised for my work and ideas. It is so very alien to have someone smirk or make snide comments or such when I am working with other people. Unfathomable and so very unprofessional.

And to top it all off, this is a person who has been the receiver of many a generous loan in the form of costumes--over many years--and yet begrudges a loan on her part of 1 simple item. How can you compare the lending of thousands of dollars worth of goods over the loan of something that costs less than $50? Petty. Childish. Selfish.

These are things I hope not to become. I believe you learn something from every person you meet and interact with. This experience has taught me that I need to watch my behavior so I can continue to make and keep friends and that I cannot let small disappointments turn me bitter or petty. That smile and nod may sometimes be false, but the more you smile the more you are able to keep smiling and mean it.

Saturday!

I kinda have the day off! Yay! I do have to do a little show shopping, but nothing mega and then I get to spend the rest of the day not painting or hanging wallpaper or hearing how inferior I am  lol

It's funny the things people say in order to make themselves look better--and yet I could point out several things they are doing wrong and make snide comments as well, but I don't. Gossip is never a good thing, but I wonder if actively trying to demoralize someone is on par or worse. I've been accused of being mean but I've actually never tried to beat someone down with my words--odd, that.

Anyways, I'm feeling well, looking forward to wearing clean non-paint splattered clothes and makeup and feeling human and not like a robot, rawr!

$200

The going rate for what your family will loan you when times are tough. I am actually VERY surprised that all the family members I've reached out to have agreed to send me money. This is a great moment in my family's history as we are not known for our fiduciary kindness, but rather our condescension and 'I told you so's'.

Chalk this one up to--you learn something new everyday.

Now, off to paint some walls and floors, oh joy! However, it is all made easier by the fact that my director likes what I'm doing and has told the stressful lady who runs the theatre to just trust me. She's not all bad, no one is, just so VERY difficult to work with. Immaturity in an adult who has a high position of responsibility is tiring.

Speaking of tiring, I really hope I get to take this weekend off. :D