Interesting

I just engaged in some Facebook 'research' (looking up someone from your past).

One of my HS boyfriends is married and I was really surprised to see his wife looks A LOT like me, like creepily so. I guess everyone has a type, but talk about a surprise.

I didn't want to post this or anything, but I guess I had to tell someone and who better than no one  lol

It continues

I am still looking for a job, but it feels like I'm getting closer to actually getting hired. I've had a few successful interviews and now I'm just going through the different phases until I hopefully get hired.

I really started freaking out realizing there is just no way I was going to make it through April until I remembered I could get a short term loan through school. It's not a lot of money, but enough to pay the rent and a couple of bills and keep me sheltered for another month. And it sure beats having to beg my family again. They were so generous--they loaned me 200 bucks...and grudgingly at that and very much so sent along with tons of judgement. Gotta love it.

So--still trying to think happy thoughts and I really really hope that I have a job by the end of the month. :D

Nerves

I am seriously starting to freak about not having a job. I am a month away from a possible eviction notice. I have applied to SO many jobs.

I live in a small town--there is work available here, but everyone wants people with serious experience. NO ONE is going to move here to be your crepe chef, just train someone and move the fuck on.

It's stressing me out beyond belief and I'm trying to remain calm and remember that things always work out.

I am waiting for a call back this week from a great job and I keep visualizing them calling me, telling me they'd like to offer me a job and me making a decent wage, saving for a car, etc. It's going to happen. I will get this awesome job and life will continue and things will be awesome.

:D

Shhh...I'm hunting for a job!

The never ending job search. I've put out at least 20 apps into the universe. I got a part time gig doing what I've gone to school for, but 2 nights work isn't going to pay the rent, though I wish it could.

Today I go forth and apply at the local sweatshop, but with the possibility of 40 hours a week, I'll be making twice what I did as a Grad Asst. and I can't even imagine having enough money to pay my bills AND maybe have some fun now and again AND put some in savings, shocking!

I've also made the choice to stay around and get my teaching credential while I work on my thesis--which I've yet to have a meeting about. I just can't really concentrate until I get a job and know that I'm not going to be homeless.

The show from hell is almost over and done with, just furniture to return. I don't know why I have to be there to move it, but whatever. After it's all over, I will peacefully say a big eff you to the troublesome bits and move on, yay!

Job!

I seriously need to find a job and there is NOTHING out there that I can do. Everyone wants endless experience, which is odd considering I live in such a tiny town with limited resources as concerns potential employees.

Trade school sounds like a really good idea about now.

Dating

I just don't know. I meet people in real life and think we have a connection and I wait and wait and wait and finally I ask if they'd ever consider going out on a date and the answer is invariably, no.

Even internet dating sends up no interest. I'm starting to get a little lonely and that is NOT the reason to even venture into a relationship. But I'm not sad lonely--I just want someone to share life with, to find that person with whom I can share everything with and them the same with me. I want love and friendship and that 'us against the world' kind of attitude.

But I'm getting a little scared. I'm going to be 36 and I've never met this person. Where do you meet people? I'm out and about, I go to parties and hang out with friends and their friends. I go to events, and all that other stuff. But, nothing. I'm social and like to laugh and hear what people have to say--I'm not cold or distant or not interested. But still, nothing.

I sometimes wonder if I made some horrible mistake in the past that will prevent me from ever finding someone. I know I am fine on my own--but I want more.

Trying Times

Fact: you cannot have a professional conversation if the other person refuses to behave like a professional. I am working with a woman old enough to be my mother, yet she cannot behave like a rational human being and instead insists upon belittling me to my face and in front of others. You can tell she makes other people uncomfortable and extremely unhappy. She lives a life filled with stress, fear and obvious inadequacy issues--I'd dislike her if I didn't feel so terribly sorry for her.

How can life be at all happy when you live in a pit of sorrow and can't see the forest for the trees?!

I was taught, in these situations, to smile and nod. It's actually gotten me through the process thus far. I'm 35, I'm a grown woman and in similar situations I am taken seriously and can hold my own. In fact, I am often praised for my work and ideas. It is so very alien to have someone smirk or make snide comments or such when I am working with other people. Unfathomable and so very unprofessional.

And to top it all off, this is a person who has been the receiver of many a generous loan in the form of costumes--over many years--and yet begrudges a loan on her part of 1 simple item. How can you compare the lending of thousands of dollars worth of goods over the loan of something that costs less than $50? Petty. Childish. Selfish.

These are things I hope not to become. I believe you learn something from every person you meet and interact with. This experience has taught me that I need to watch my behavior so I can continue to make and keep friends and that I cannot let small disappointments turn me bitter or petty. That smile and nod may sometimes be false, but the more you smile the more you are able to keep smiling and mean it.